Hobo V2.0

There was a time when being homeless had character. When standing out in those cold wet nights meant something. You felt proud and on top of the world. You owned this town Pete the Bum. An old high school wise tale once told a story of a young man named Pete who came from a wealthy family. But Pete was disgusted by money and the way it controlled society. So Pete left home and never returned, leaving only with the clothes on his back. Fast forward 30 some odd years and Pete is still here today. Not quite as mobile as he once was but still seen in the familiar places. Never saying a word unless spoken to. Never begging or asking for anything, just accepting what is given. My Dad did offer to buy him a beer once.

"You wanna beer Pete?"

"Canadian, tall can."

Everyone has their favorites...

It is now 2010 and Pete is no longer alone. The streets that he once walked alone under the moonlit sky are scarred with a new breed. There are now legions of homeless, behind every nook, every cranny. Waiting for you to take your last sip of pop. With ears like wolves they can hear a change purse open 40 car stalls away. You thought the Girl Guides are an aggressive bunch? They got nothing on these guys. Peter has some major competition, and the competition is stiff. Hobo V2.0. Its is a newly evolved hobo. You know in Terminator 2 when that liquid dude has his way with Arnold for an hour and a half only to fall in a vat of molten steel? Yeah, kinda like that.


Scientists have yet to been able to define this new breed. How have they become so strong? Is the meth and the crack(nothing like tweaking for a few hours to help the brainstorming process)? Is it because many of the new breed are from the big city, with new, ground breaking strategies? Or is it just the evolution of a species? We all have to adapt to our environment and maybe this was a long time coming for the street walkers. Maybe they needed that extra little kick in the ass from the drugs.


I myself am not sure if its the drugs or evolution but the gadgets these people come up with now just amaze me. No longer is a shopping cart, a tarp, and a bottle of cheap liquor enough. Nor do the homeless shelters, the free handouts, and dumpster dives suffice. Now there are shopping cart after shopping cart tied together with old electrical wiring.Up to 3-4 tied together and being pulled by the newest fad of the new age hobo. The chopper bike. We all know how the obsession homeless have with shiny things, especially metal. Well they have turned this obsession into an art. Some of these guys bikes are almost 20 feet in length!



Talking to a homeless guy the other day I noticed he had a radio duct taped to he front of his bike blasting tunes.

"Where you get batteries to run this thing all the time?" I ask

"Steal em." he replies as matter of fact.

I spend alot of my time working the night shift so I get spend considerably more time with these "night owls" and have seen and heard some amazing stuff. They are like a pack of coyotes, working together to trap their prey. Everyone in the pack has a job and if all the cogs work together they are unstoppable. Buddy with the custom deck on his chopper bike must have stolen enough batteries for his entire pack. The other night I was on break having a smoke when I heard something unusual. Even for 3:30am.

*crackle* " I'm in position, lets me know when its safe!"*crackle*

Dead silence......

*crackle* "I see him! Hear he comes! Get in and get out!"*crackle*

Not one second after that last crackle from the Walkie Talkie did I see a homeless man run and dive into the donation hamper full of clothes. You could hear his accomplice whispering updates to the diver on the whereabouts of the security guard.

*crackle* " He just turned around, you have about 1 min!" *crackle*

I could hear the rustling in the bin get louder and panicked. Soon after, the hobo emerged with an arm full of jackets, shoes, dresses, hats. Anything he could get his hands on. Just as quickly as he arrived he was gone, riding away under the moonlight on his chopper. Shopping cart rattling behind carrying more possessions than I myself own. Now if this new use of technology is not evolution at its finest you can kick me square in the junk.

Is it not acceptable to sit in front of the liquor store and rely on peoples good will? Must he the 21st century hobo adapt?

Still to this day Pete can be seen in front of numerous liquor stores in town, not begging or asking for a thing but in fact just sitting and excepting what comes his way. Rarely do you hear a word from Pete as he sits there in his wheelchair, observing the busy world around him. Silently staring, probably thinking we are the crazy ones. With all this chaos and change in the world around us it is good to see someone has stuck to their roots as the world evolves around them.