An Introduction

I am, the Oneleggedman. Many of you will think to yourselves," Damn that must really bite only having one leg!" But alas, the jokes on you. I do in fact have both my legs and both my arms.

I live my life like I like my food, greasy, unhealthy and bland. Like most people on this earth I like to make my life as difficult as possible by putting minimal effort in most things I do. Whats the saying? "Bacteria is sometimes the only culture some people have"? No that doesn't work. "A man without ambition is like a bird flying without directions"? Yeah, that sounds about right. Just like exercising or quitting smoking. The first few days you are so jacked about this life altering choice you are making but by the end of the week you are sneaking drags of smokes or honey crullers from your co-workers and friends.

Between my redundant job and my love for THC there is no room for forward progress or enthusiasm. Its funny, I would love all the toys and gadgets in the world but I don't want to work for them. If only Santa and the rest of his league WERE real and I was a good boy every year, not the sarcastic asshole I am. Then Santa would fulfill all my materialistic needs! Easter and Halloween would supply my nutrition, and the birthdays, family dinners, and weddings would round out anything I need for sustenance. Brilliance! Excuse me while I type my letter of resignation to my employer...

A tip for you male wedding goers. It is always a good idea to bring a date of the female persuasion to a wedding. It just looks fucked if you're stuffing food and party favors in a purse when people know you showed up alone. You must show up with a female for this to work! I have learned from experience this is the only way a man can get away with carrying a purse or handbag unless you reside on Davies street.

As my first blog comes to a close I want to remind you all to enjoy the small things in life. Free food samples at the grocery store, free booze samples at the liquor store, and free money at the.......well 2/3 ain't bad!