Some people just take 2-ply for granted I suppose.

I don't know about you but I take my ass wiping VERY seriously. Depending on location one may be using a low sandpaper grade or if their cards were played right, the luxurious silky feeling of the ethereal 3 ply. This inconsistency of a good wipe has I'm sure been the catalyst for many domestic abuse cases as well as a direct correlation with divorce rates. Many hates crimes and senseless violence can be contributed to this plague. An atrocious decline in paper quality has forced a legion of workers across Canada to bring their own toilet paper(TP) to work.

Over the last few years as companies try to save money and lower their budgets. They have to make sacrifices to lower their operating costs. But has one ever heard of such a devil that lowers TP quality to save a buck?!?! Year after year the TP less resembles cotton, more and more parchment paper. For those that don't know parchment paper is, its that shit (no pun intended) your mom puts the fresh peanut butter cookies on. A grade down from wax paper. No more do you actually wipe yourself clean than you paint abstract art on your ass. Thus began the BYOR(bring your own roll). Now, packing a roll in your locker isn't all that uncommon.

Dave: Hey Dennis. Cashmere? Niiice.

Me: Uh yeah, thanks Dave.

Dave: Is That a BYOR or did you find that here?

Me: I found it here. I know, score.

Dave: Totally! Enjoy.


Myself and fellow co-workers have been degraded to hobos, looking for any damaged bundle of toilet paper to scavenge a roll and hoard it in our lockers. Most days the best one can find is the 2-ply but oh my when fate puts that ripped case of the Purex Cashmere right in front of your face! It wasn't until I hit my 30's that I truly learned to appreciated a good 3-ply. No longer is wiping a chore. It is now a privilege. Nor is it a right any more than an indulgence?... I think that's a different blog.

Due to the economy, hardly can we afford top end wipe so I have been forced to the unthinkable. Thanks to Activia I have know manipulated by BM's to arise only during a shift. Jamie Lee Curtis is right, that shit works! No longer will I be forced to sacrifice the wipe, render my ass to an inferior product!



Supermart
To: All Staff Members
From: Management
May 12, 2010
Re: Men and Women's Washrooms


We regret to inform all employees (other than management) that they no longer have access to the company washrooms. We can no longer afford the cost of running them for our customers let alone our employees! We have dug a hole about 100yards behind the store in the back of that public park, just please ask a manager for permission to relieve yourself when you feel the urge. Thank you for your co-operation. As a token of our gratitude the company will be supplying Welfare Brand toilet paper for all employees.

Regards,
Management.



Wow! The grocery business has really declined...